1. »  Mousy: Funerals are for the living, not for the dead. It makes no difference...

    hannaclimbstrees:

    Funerals are for the living, not for the dead. It makes no difference to the dead. I hate the way that death turns everyone in someone’s ex-best friend. “We spent so much time together” “we used to be so close”. People have no place going near someone who they weren’t close with in the present, in…

    I don’t disagree with all of your points entirely. But do keep in mind that funerals, more specifically, are more for the family than everything else. I went to DuWayne’s funeral, even though he and I weren’t that close. We worked at the radio station together and played poker together occasionally. Some would say I probably didn’t have a place there, but when I talked to his mom and saw how grateful she was for all of us being there, I knew why I came. It is comforting to know that, despite anyone’s shortcomings, we can still honor someone’s life for its good points.

    I completely and totally understand being upset by people who seem two-faced by attending a funeral when they didn’t have the best things to say about the person in real life. But at the same time, it’s totally unfair of you to judge why that person is going. DuWayne and I said some pretty shitty things to each other, but I went to his funeral to forgive him and myself. To realize that there are bigger things than the petty remarks we make at each other. To support my friends who were closer to him than I was.

    And ultimately, by focusing on who should and shouldn’t be there, you’re taking away from remembering what a truly amazing person the one who passed really was. Attending a funeral is a pretty personal decision, so as long as you know your reasons for going/not going, then no one else’s reasons matter. The point isn’t to be more legitimate than everyone else is there, because the entire idea of legitimacy is irrelevant.

    I’m not saying any of this as an attack, but rather trying to provide a different point-of-view so that hopefully you can find peace with yourself and others on the topic. The effect that a person has on other people is very profound, and very different, with every person…and probably much greater than one would imagine.

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About me

Things I could say to myself,
I could never say to anyone else.